CHAPTER: I

(a introduction/personal piece)

It's finally a new year a fresh slate & a time of total change.

starting 2013 of to a great start i have decided to maintain this blog as more of a up to date memoir to myself/friends/family/people who may come across this. Every time i would update this it changed like we as people tend to do, but more so in your early 20's onward you change constantly and life is shaping you for your unseen future. This had become a blog all about pictures of either outfits i liked myself in or places and people i had taken photographs of which i would like to still incorporate into this. Then it proceeded into a touch of fashion photography/editorials that inspired me mixed with street style from across the bored as well as makeup i found inspiring to my own work. However i would like to start writing more personal entries that are in the shape of a bio seen from my perspective and my life changes and experience. social and political views are a few more areas i would like to cover as well art/film/news/peoples life stories. 

Recently starting a new year off with a broken leg is not the most ideal but as 2012 had taught me life will throw you curve balls no matter how bad or how good you take each knowing that there is a lesson behind it that will shape you and if you are strong enough not break you (cheesey i know). Being out of work for the last month and half has not been easy but has really opened my mind to what i really want out of myself this year and how i will be proceeding to achieve it. The new addition to my life(my boyfriend) is also helping me with future project and creative collaborations as well as helping me since the accident. he is more wonderful then i could describe in words and has inspired me in such a way that is very productive and positive. Coming out of being wild and single for quite some time and then having this grounded person who still loves to have fun but knows what is important in life is something i hold very close. My work too has been a great help in lifting my spirits in terms of showing me how much they care about not only me but my career and goals. so all in all you take the good and the bad and you stay grounded and sincere with people and you will get it right back from the universe. 

This proves to me that even though you go through a tough time that in time if you work hard and keep a positive outlook and open your views to new things that life will be a lot more enriched then you could have even imagined. in conclusion this blog is for myself but also any other kids/young or older adults who feel like they might be the only ones out there and a little unsure i hope that in some speck of a way my blog will inspire them the way i have been to let them know they're not.

Life is hectic right now.
So i frosted myself.

Ambition:

it is really crazy to think i have been in Toronto for only almost 2 months and i have this huge rush over me everyday of wanting to accomplish so much and my body is vibrating every second to better my life and there is a itch that needs scratching.

Coming here with 2 suit cases/2 thousand dollars & a few dreams really takes a toll on your mental heath. I didn't know many people maybe 3 or 4 and leaving my old life behind to start this chapter has been interesting but as the days go forward i feel i may be getting to that life that i know i deserve. I do however get very lonely i miss my family and friends with all my heart and now having to re build new ones is daunting because at the end of the day i only have my own shoulder to lean on and its scary but i know ill be ok.

The weirdest thing happened to me i was at this club a week or so ago and i lost the people i went there with and went out for a smoke in the mean time and in my haze i stood out alone, started up my cigarette looked off and for a slit second almost cried because this wave of only being on my own came over me but then fast after went away and i realized i felt totally ok with it. I am not sure if that means i have gotten used to this feeling if or i am really ok with it. I still have so much to do and i have to realize its not a race and the good will come and it has but its been a very slow process. 

this is the most vulnerable i have ever felt, even more then when i was in junior high and had no friends i always had my family but here i have neither quite yet. but looking back i have a house to live in/a job/and really fantastic roommates. as well as there is this boy that has came into my life at the best time i am how ever scared because as much as i would like to come of a certain way i am very romantic and really just dont want to be disappointed or disappoint.

So heres to the future, here is to the dreamers and to the many new interesting people that will enrich my life and direct me on the path that i am putting in motion.

More to follow about my move/life/boy(s)/lack of shopping/MMM4H&M
p.s what ever happened to Ke$ha am i the only one concerned.

Summer/Fall

Summer is finally at a end even though i wish it wasnt, I am really going to miss those hot nights,breaking into out door pools and skinny dipping,going to goth night parties,meeting up in parks with friends at 5 am, running off to vancouver on a whim,getting tattoos and meeting seeing all the wonderful people who came home for the summer.

But what i am looking forward to is in less then two weeks living in toronto, doing it on my own without my parents help and all my hard work paying off leading up to this moment in my life. I was stressed (JK still am) but i have so much to look forward to in terms of already having interviews set up a place to stay and a beautiful boy waiting for me. I know when i moved to Montreal it was not for me but for love and it blew up in my face but in the best way possible, being there and then being sent back was the best thing for me it was a slap of reality and it was saying: YOU NEED TO DO YOU, YOU NEED TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS. and you know what that is exactly what i am doing.

 Wise Blood - B.I.G. E.G.O. from Rokkit on Vimeo.

WHO am i?

I am the boy that watches to many movies.

I am the boy who has become a hopeless romantic.

I am the boy who is finally learning how to be independent.

I am the boy who supports anyone close to him no matter what.

I am the boy who is confused by the events that have taken place this year.

I am the boy who gets waves of loneliness and sadness.

I am the boy that loves people for there flaws that then turn into there perfections in my eyes.
I am the boy who believes in good vibes.
I am the boy who still loves you.

I am the boy who is learning to let go of insecurities.

I am the boy who is accepting of everyone.

I am the boy who is like other like minded people.

I am the boy who pushes himself and others toward greatness.

I am the boy who just wants to love and be loved.

I am the boy who loves fashion and the arts.

I am the boy who says what is on his mind.

I am the boy that likes boys.
I am the boy that is not alone.
I am the boy who is sexual.
I am the boy that is true.
I am the boy that doesn't come around often.
I am. who are we,really.